I'm writing to let you know about a job vacancy coming up in Zurich which might appeal to you.
It's far more powerful and high-profile than that UN position you've been hankering after - more affiliated nations, millions of passionate supporters, and so much money they don't quite know how to spend it all. Best of all, there will be no women after your job, they're purely for decoration.
They'll probably be looking to appoint another arrogant autocrat, but I'm sure your other talents (particularly your multi-lingual skills) will outweigh any shortfall you may have on that score.
The job description isn't too onerous. All the outgoing incumbent did was a lot of globe-trotting, rubbing shoulders with kings and presidents, watching a few games of football, making some speeches, playing the fool. You'd really enjoy it. In the short term you'd have to pretend to be interested in football, of course, but you could soon drop that like you did your concern about climate change.
Why don't you give Frank Lowy a ring? I'm sure he could help muster enough votes to get you elected, and then you could repay him by awarding Australia the World Cup finals he so badly wants. That's how it all works, you see.
There aren't too many ways available for venting one's anger or frustration at some of the things happening in the world around us. One such escape valve is the good old Letter to the Editor, even if only a small proportion of them gets published. It is often well-nigh impossible to keep the discussion short enough for the newspapers. So rather that have them expire in some Editor's Trash bin, we'll preserve them for posterity here. Inevitably, though, some nuances will be lost for those unfamiliar with the background or the letter or article to which we are responding. But each is undoubtedly a miniature literary masterpiece, though you may find the themes become somewhat repetitive.